Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts

Monday, 28 June 2021

Small child running

 Sitting in my customary place outside in the sunshine in the cafe area of the swimming pool that I go to for my morning swim, my chosen table gives me a view of everybody taking their drinks.

There are not that many people there in the early morning, but as the school holidays have started here in Catalonia, there is a steady stream of parents dropping off their children at the Sports Centre for the 'activities' that will keep their kids occupied for the entire day - with meals provided: I've seen the price list and it is good value childcare with healthy exercise thrown in!

Today was the first Monday of the holidays and there were more people than usual so that the tranquility of my 'writing' area was broken by children in various stages of development bein led away by the Tecnics to start their sports.

Apart from one small boy who was vocally unenthusiastic about being left in the centre, most of the kids were keen and some were almost endearing as they marched about clutching racquets that were almost as tall as they were.

But two children caught my eye, a pretty little girl with long flowing hair and her smaller and very much younger brother.  She had an excess of energy and positively swooped around the place, and she was quick on her feet - which was the starting point of the poem.

My mother used to swear that, when I was very young, as soon as I could move, I did.  Whether it was crawling or walking, I was capable of tangential exploration in an instant.  Eventually my parents invested in reins and were so able to contain my infantile wanderlust.

It was the speed of the girl and the realization that she could be somewhere else, anywhere else in seconds that brought back my mother's words and, of course, my mother's fear of my getting lost.

Children do get lost of course, both literally and figuratively, and not only when they are children.  How do parents cope with those,

                       vast circumferences
              beyond parental care
 
that are the normal course of parent/children relationships?

The final image is one that feels right to me, though I do not think that I can fully explain why.

 

 

Small child running

 

“I had to watch you all the time.

A second?  You were gone!”

 

That leitmotiv of memory recalled,

my mother’s words, repeated chorus-like

throughout my life

as I grew up,

and grew away,

came back to me as

 

who knows her age?

- but very young.

Her brother barely out of totter-walk

(and flat-cap-headed

looked a dwarfish drunk)

as smooth agility is almost,

just not yet, within his reach.

 

His sister moves through air

as if like water, thin,

impeding nothing, giving grace

to her loose liquid stretch.

 

And she has speed!

She weaves her brother round,

and runs a path as random as her will.

 

Few seconds pass,

and she is half-a-care away.

 

Some seconds more

and she could be

 

            beyond our sight.

 

The gate is open.

There’s a busy road.

 

Eye-contact pleasantries with friends

is time enough for her to vanish

from her mother’s sight

 

to the indifferent world,

where predatory cars and Men

will stop her run.

 

The energy that stretches,

snaps, the apron strings,

that drags the radii

to vast circumferences

beyond parental care

 

must be a death of sorts.

 

 

For whom?

 

Flesh of my flesh.

I think of bees:

the sting, the pain, the end.


Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Celebration

How amazingly important the mundane can be!
     I have reorganised my workspace by appropriating Toni's share of the top and leaving empty space for books and notes.  The difference has been astonishing.  Reference is so much easier when you can spread out!
     So, I put the poetic output of the last week or so down to the fact that there is space to work.  And, having the space makes the work seem like a gift rather than an imposition.
     Whatever the reality, I am writing more now that I have space to breathe - now that the claustrophobia of towers of CD cases topped by an ever-threatening, book-heavy shelf has been -well, moved at least.  I am not the world's best thrower-outer and so everything has been moved and slightly rearranged rather than decimated.
     Still, I am going to make the most of the intellectual spaciousness that I feel is pushing me forward and write as much as I can.
     The following poem is taken from notes written during one of my Poetry Group's meetings.  These are the notes that I am always meaning to make into poems and never quite get round to.  Well, space=determination at the moment and so one (at least) of the lurking poems has been written.
     The stimulus was the word, 'Celebration', which I took to mean the petty triumphs that mark a life.  I wonder with the way that young lives are now recorded by mobile phones if there are any of the baby rites of passage that are in fact, "unmarked and unremembered" - and there will even be a date, time and place for the photos or the video taken!
     I, however, grew up in the Kodak 50's when the taking of a photograph was more of an event and not be to taken lightly - especially in poor light conditions!  So, much of my experience is via faulty memory aided by the storytelling ability of my parents; an oral tradition which is as old as our species.
     I think I like the idea contained in the last line of the poem, "and I still strain to be." because it seems to me that we contain and exemplify everything we have been and done - and even our conscious/unconscious forgetting of part of our lives still has a part to play in the making of who we are.


Celebration




Just when was it
            thumb-sucking stopped
            the length was reached
            the book was read
            the scrambled egg?

No dates for those first firsts.

Unrecorded moments pass,
unmarked and unremembered,
slid from memory’s sly view
by those concerns, grown-up
and practical.

And can I still recall
            first mother’s love
            regard for someone else
            keen thoughts of next?
When next will be no more.

Lost celebrations keep on making me,


and I still strain to be.







I have kept to the general notes that I made during the poetry session, especially in the ideas in the questions because they seemed compelling at the time and I look back on my selections now and wonder.  Which I think is a good thing.